As your parents age, you and your siblings will have to have some tough conversations. Many people want to avoid having these conversations for as long as possible. But putting them off can have dire consequences. If your parents need more help, you may be wondering how to talk to siblings about an aging parent’s care and finances.
At Marcia L. Campbell CPA, we have helped countless families like yours manage their parent’s care for years as a leading fiduciary professional service in California. Starting these conversations can be difficult, but we make the solution less challenging. Here’s how.
How to Talk to Siblings About an Aging Parent’s Care & Finances
From asking your parents what they want to hiring an objective third party like a professional fiduciary in California, there are several stages you should anticipate and prepare for.
Related Article: How to Prepare for Taking Over Elderly Parents’ Finances
Ask Your Parent What they Want
It is important to ensure you are not speaking for your parents. You are advocating for their needs and desires. The first step in figuring out how to talk to siblings about an aging parent’s care is asking your parent what they want.
Broach the topic and share your reasons why you believe they need help. Your parents could feel some shame or embarrassment about receiving help, so it is important to present it as a way to help them maintain their independence to offset this reaction.
Ask your parents what their retirement goals are and where they see themselves in the next few years. You may need to ask them about decades down the line. Reassure them that using professional fiduciary services is not some surrender or forfeiture of freedom. It’s the opposite.
Related Article: How Do You Talk to an Aging Parents About Finances? Pt. II
Plan a Meeting
The next step when determining how to talk to siblings about an aging parent’s care is making the time to talk, which isn’t always as easy as it sounds.
Many siblings are scattered across the globe. When countries and oceans are separating you, it can be difficult to plan a meeting. Even if your siblings live relatively close, day-to-day responsibilities, like work and family, can be an obstacle.
“Everyone’s life is busy, which is important to understand when coordinating. Be understanding and accommodating, but remain persistent because nothing is more important than discussing your parent’s care, and it won’t get easier as they get older. It will only get harder.”
– Marcia L. Campbell, CPA for Seniors
Maybe there’s a time when everyone typically comes together that would be the perfect opportunity. Find a convenient time for everyone, and take advantage of technology! Using video call software like FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype is a great alternative to face-to-face meetings.
Most importantly, however, don’t blindside anyone. Everyone should enter the conversation understanding the topic you want to address, and let everyone have a chance to speak. Be upfront about the possibility of this being one of many meetings to come.
Communicate Openly and Compassionately
During this conversation, if you have noticed that your parents need more help recently, communicate this candidly to your siblings but remain compassionate. Bring specific examples to illustrate the situation, such as your parent:
- Forgetting to pay bills
- Having trouble keeping track of income
- Having difficulty writing checks
- Becoming more vulnerable to scams and fraud
These scenarios can jeopardize their well-being, whether it’s someone stealing their hard-earned savings or penalties for not paying appropriate income taxes. One strategy to drive the point home is encouraging your siblings to spend a day with them.
“Be honest and respectful, express yourself clearly, and stick to the facts. Don’t let emotions get in the way. We recommend writing down what you want to address before the meeting so that you can stay the course.”
– Marcia L. Campbell, CPA for Seniors
Discussing your parent’s needs and what the future holds can be emotional. Listen openly, and discuss how you will support each other while providing your parents with the health, happiness, and security they deserve.
During these conversations, curb counterproductive behavior as complex family dynamics surface. Be understanding, learn to forgive, and don’t fall victim to finger-pointing, arguing, and passive-aggressiveness.
Set the tone of acceptance and collaboration, and remember that no matter what tensions may lie beneath the surface, there is a common ground: your parent’s care.
Related Article: How Do You Know if Your Parents Are Struggling with Money? Pt. I
Get Help from a Professional Fiduciary Trustee
The final step in understanding how to talk to siblings about an aging parent’s care is understanding that families often cannot do this alone.
It is easy for you and your siblings to feel like you must shoulder this responsibility yourselves, but there are resources out there that can help. Your siblings may oppose paying for a service initially, so you need to break it down for them.
Managing your parent’s health and financial well-being is a full-time job that requires considerable expertise and missing work, missing time with your own family, losing out on time to relax and do the things you love, and adding a substantial amount of stress.
Also, complex family dynamics can cloud judgment when caring for parents. You do not have to worry about this with an objective third party like a private, professional fiduciary trustee can be a help in several different ways, such as:
- Helping your parents with setting up a trust with an attorney, transferring assets into it, and appointing the fiduciary as the successor trustee to pay bills, budgeting, monitor their income and expenses, and more.
- Designating the fiduciary professional a financial power of attorney with as much power as they are comfortable with (even if it’s just over a single account) to monitoring their finances, pay bills, prevent scams and fraud, and more.
- Enlisting their help for daily money management and elder care financial services to help coordinate with professionals to get your parents the care they need, manage their daily finances, such as paying bills, writing checks, and tracking income from benefits, setting and reaching retirement goals, and more.
Do You Need Help Taking Care of an Aging Parents’ Finances? Hire a Fiduciary for Professional Trustee Services Today!
When it comes to you, your siblings, and your parents, everyone deserves the peace of mind that comes from knowing this situation is in expert hands. Understanding how to talk to siblings about an aging parent’s care and finances can feel like maneuvering across a minefield of emotions, but it will be more than worth it in the end when your parents are making the most of their retirement, and you and your siblings are right beside them!
Visit our Contact Us page to schedule a consultation with a California private professional fiduciary to give your parents the support they need to ensure their golden years are a treasure trove of heartwarming moments and memories!
